Trigger Warning: Death
It was still dark when I woke up. Strange how in the city all of the noises faded into the background but out here in the middle of nowhere they were the first thing I noticed. There were no cars, sirens, or people’s voices. But the owls, the crickets, and even the wind rustling through the trees were almost deafening. There were no human noises—and then I realized. There were no human noises. Sarah’s soft snoring that I had grown so accustomed to during the last three years as her roommate wasn’t there. She was awake.
Of course, she was cuddled in a sleeping bag with Mike. There were a few things they could be doing that would keep her awake. I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep again before I could hear any sounds of what was going on. But, listening despite myself, I heard Mike’s quiet breathing. Just not Sarah’s.
My eyes shot open and I looked around, but it was too dark to see anything. I was sure I was being paranoid—she probably got up to use the bathroom. But sleeping out in the woods had always been an uncomfortable experience for me. I was a city girl, born and raised. I had never even gone camping until Sarah and I had gone to college. Any number of things could happen out here and there would be no one around to help you. Not to mention all of the bugs and dirt and allergens… camping just wasn’t my thing. But Sarah loved it and had gone with her family when we were kids, so she still went often. Working on a Masters of Social Work was stressful, so I went with her occasionally to get away, and spend time with her. Although this time she had brought her boyfriend. They seemed to be spending more and more time together, to the point that they were inseparable, but I suppose that’s what the honeymoon period is like for most couples. Still, I missed my friend. And she seemed to be changing to be more like Mike, who wasn’t my favorite person in the world. Which is probably why she didn’t tell me that he was coming until we had arrived.
I turned over and tried to go back to sleep. The noises that Sarah always claimed were comforting were keeping me awake.
Something was tickling me. I woke up again—so I must have dozed off after all. I didn’t think I had slept well, I felt exhausted. It was still dark. Why was I awake? And there it was again, a scratching feeling on my arm. Sarah still wasn’t snoring, but Mike was breathing softly. I didn’t want to wake him, so I looked over slowly. Sarah was lying there with her eyes closed, breathing unnaturally softly. Her arm was out of her sleeping bag and touching mine. She was the one scratching!
I opened my mouth, about to ask her what she was doing, when her eyes flew open. She looked terrified, but also stern. She slowly moved the hand that was under her head and held one finger up to her lips. Hush.
She looked down at her hand on my arm and then back at me, trying to tell me something. Mike rolled over and she quickly put both hands under her head, sighed, and feigned sleep again.
What the hell was going on?
Try as I might, I couldn’t go back to sleep. I just held still wondering what had happened until the sun rose.
The worst thing about being in the woods was the lack of running water. After a while, I had just given up on sleep and went out to use a tree. Really, camping near a bathroom complete with toilet paper, soap, and a shower wouldn’t be so bad.
When I came back, I saw that Sarah and Mike were awake and beginning to put together breakfast. I went up to ask her what had happened last night but I saw her look and the words froze in my mouth. She was scared again. Or maybe… disappointed? But it was gone almost as quickly as it had appeared. I was wondering if I had actually seen anything, or if I was just reading too much into things. I really didn’t like camping.
“You’re back! Would you like to try pancakes? And I already heated you up some tea.”
I nodded and took the cup like nothing had happened. Maybe nothing had. It had been really dark last night and I had only slept fitfully. It made sense that I would have had hyper-realistic and confusing dreams. And the fear I felt could very easily be projected onto those around me. It wouldn’t have been the first time that I had mis-read emotions when I was stressed.
But I couldn’t shake the residual anxiety. I kept watching Sarah. And when she didn’t think anybody else was watching, that look on her face came back. It was only for the briefest instant, but it looked like something was scaring her. She had the look of someone who had been tormented but was deeply afraid of telling anybody else. I had seen that face a couple of times when volunteering with new foster children. But Sarah had not been a foster child. I had met her loving family and knew that she had been surrounded by friends her entire life. Still, I couldn’t let a look like that go, even if she only had made the face for a second before she could cover it up.
Every time I opened my mouth for the entire day, Sarah would preemptively say something. She was surreptitiously watching me, and always glancing at Mike to see if he had noticed. It was like Mike was the one she was afraid of, but why would that be the case? She was the one who had invited him! I wanted to ask her, but they were always together. Even when Mike left to use the bathroom, Sarah did at the same time. The stranger part was that Mike seemed to be watching Sarah as well. It was weird because I lived with Sarah and I had seen most of her interactions with Mike. She had never acted this way around him before.
Mike and Sarah met in class; they were the same major, although they wanted to do very different things with their degrees. Mike was in political science before going on to law school. Sarah, on the other hand, loved politics and the study of them. She was leaning towards a graduate degree in nuclear non-proliferation. Although they had only been together for 6 months, they were already looking at graduate schools that would be close to each other. Which is why I assumed Sarah trusted him. My personal feelings towards him aside, any man that was good enough for Sarah was good enough for me. But if there was any reason why she would be afraid of Mike, I worried for her.
We stopped hiking to have lunch and Mike went to go get some water from a nearby river. Sarah was finally by herself. I walked up to her slowly.
“What happened last night?” I asked, trying my best to play it cool.
“What do you mean?” She looked completely oblivious. As if last night and this morning had never happened. Maybe I was imagining things. Suddenly my convictions about Sarah being worried and Mike being fearsome seemed ridiculous. Often the things we come up with in our heads are absurd when finally spoken aloud.
“I thought you were awake. Maybe you were just having a bad dream or something.” I could feel the blush creep up my cheeks. She was going to think I had lost it.
“Oh that! I did have a bad dream. Thank you for worrying, but everything was fine as soon as the sun came up.” She smiled cheerfully at me. It was like she was a completely different person from this morning. No, she was probably the exact same person. I was just finally seeing things rationally. A bad dream would make anybody wake up looking scared. Being in the woods just had me spooked.
There was a rustle from the woods and Mike showed up. He smiled at us and asked if we were ready to keep walking as he heaved his pack back onto his shoulders, then immediately went over to help Sarah with hers. How could I think anything negative of him?
Something woke me up. This time, I kept my eyes closed and tried to lay as still as possible, just listening. Just like last night, Sarah wasn’t snoring. I could feel her hand on my arm. This time, instead of looking at her and trying to ask a question, I just paid attention to the contact her hand made with my wrist. There was scratching, but I couldn’t figure out what she was scratching at. Was she dreaming about something? Sarah had never been one to sleep walk or even sleep talk, but who’s to say she never did any odd things in her sleep?
The scratches continued, but they seemed to have a pattern. It slowly dawned on me that they were words. There was a C? Followed by an I. No, an R and then a U. Was that an L? Or an H? She stopped for a minute. And then, slightly harder it was repeated: R U N. I knew what that meant.
I slowly turned my head towards her and squinted my eyes. It was much darker than last night though, and it was nearly impossible to see Sarah. I opened my eyes completely, but still almost nothing was visible. I grabbed her hand and she held mine, her fingers wrapped around mine so tightly they almost hurt. She started scratching RUN again, over and over. There was such an urgency to the message and her fingers, but I couldn’t feel any other part of her body moving. I reached over and she was perfectly motionless except for her gentle breathing. She grabbed my arm and pushed it back towards my body before pulling her hand away and rolling over.
I tried to stay awake long enough that hopefully she would roll over and explain herself, but I was exhausted from my lack of sleep the night before as well as the long trek here. In the dark, I drifted off to sleep.
I jerked awake the next morning and felt my arm, but Sarah’s hand was not on it. It was light out and nobody else was in the tent with me. How had I slept all the way until morning? I got out of the tent and both Mike and Sarah were all packed up and ready to go; the only thing they were missing were their parts of the tent. I quickly relieved myself, scarfed down the food that they had prepared for me, and helped pack up my bag and the tent.
“You looked really tired. We figured we’d let you sleep a bit,” Mike said when I asked why they had gotten everything together without me.
“Yeah, I felt you move around in your sleep a couple of times last night and the night before,” Sarah added helpfully.
“It must just be because we’re in the woods. The sounds and sleeping on the ground instead of a bed gets to me, I guess,” I offered as an explanation. I looked towards Sarah, but all of her attention was focused on Mike. She was back to her lovesick self. Yet again, all traces of anything mysterious happening in the night were completely gone.
“Well, you’re rested enough to head out now,” Mike said. I took one more look at Sarah, who was not paying any attention to the conversation anymore. Her face had a far-off look and I couldn’t tell if she was concerned about something or confused over whatever it was she was daydreaming about. Although I was probably just imagining things again.
“Yeah, I’m ready to be home,” I finally answered.
A shadow flicked across Sarah’s face before Mike turned to her and she smiled again. This time I knew I was not imagining it.
We had been hiking for the better part of the morning. I was not good at judging the time by where the sun was at, but I knew it was sometime after noon and that I was tired and sweaty and cranky. I kept reminding myself that exercising was good for me and that I spent entirely too much time on my computer and avoiding the gym. I could justify some of it as working on homework and studying, but there was no denying that my Netflix account had seen far more action than my running shoes over the past few years.
I was also still concerned about all of the strange things that had been happening this trip. All through the morning, my mind had repeatedly wandered back to last night and what on earth Sarah could have meant by RUN. Was I mistaking a letter in there somewhere? Maybe RON? ROM? BOM? BUN? But none of those words made any sense and she had scratched the same letters on to my arm a few times, so I was fairly certain it was RUN. It left me feeling confused and frustrated, because Sarah was being so cryptic and wouldn’t even look at me!
I was also getting frustrated because the trail had narrowed until it was barely more than a footpath by this point. There were places where I couldn’t even tell a trail had ever existed. I had tried to channell all of my frustration into hiking. It was definitely helping to redirect my thoughts from whatever RUN meant. But I was also noticing that we kept climbing on the trail. We were supposed to be reaching the end of the loop soon, and we had gone up in elevation plenty on the first day. It was supposed to be up for one day, over the next, and then down the last. But we had yet to descend and just kept hiking higher and higher. I got to the point where I couldn’t take it anymore.
“I need to stop!” I had meant for the statement to sound authoritarian, and to relay some of my frustration, but instead I just sounded wheezy and out of breath. Sarah almost bumped into me from behind, she had been following quite closely. Mike was ahead and he stopped and turned around. They were both in much better shape than I was, and neither seemed out of breath.
“What’s the hold up?” Mike asked as he reached us.
“I needed to catch my breath. All of this uphill climbing has got me beat.” I was forcing the words out between deep breaths of air. “When are we going to reach the end of the trail? And why aren’t we going downhill?”
Mike briefly looked upset before snapping a response. “We took a different trail.” I must have looked shocked because he continued, more gently, “We must have taken a wrong turn accidentally. But don’t worry, I recognize this trail and we’re close to the end of it. Just a little further.”
He was probably embarrassed about going the wrong direction. That would make me snappy, too.
“That’s fine,” I responded with a bit of a smile. “Just as long as we’ll be home soon.”
Mike smiled. “I promise.”
It was starting to get dark before the trail began to slope downwards at all. I had voiced my misgivings a number of times, but was always met with reassurances from Mike. Now, my misgivings had turned to fear. I was not a camping person, I had never spent much time in nature, but I was not stupid. I could tell that we were going up in elevation and that we needed to go down to get off of the mountain.
And once the sun was down, were we just going to keep walking in the dark? Yes, I had a flashlight, but the trail had dwindled down until there was next to nothing there. Continuing in the dark seemed dangerous. I needed to put my foot down and demand we look into this. Walking back would mean an extra day of walking, but it was looking like we would need to spend the night anyway. This was ridiculous. We all had classes to get back to, and my part time job delivering pizza might not be that important, but I still didn’t want to miss a shift unnecessarily. I stopped.
Sarah was closely following me, just as she had been all day, and stopped as soon as I did. Mike took a moment before he realized we were no longer behind him. “What now?” he asked.
“Do you not see that the sun is going down?” There was an edge in my voice that I know he heard. I had been hiking all day, I was hungry and tired and pissed that we were not home yet. I wanted to make it known and I wanted Mike to answer why he thought that this was an acceptable way to treat the group. He didn’t respond, he just looked at me. His jaw was clenched and he was responding negatively to my words and my tone, but he refused to speak. “Are we just going to keep walking when the sun is down?” I demanded. “It’s dangerous to walk over what can barely be considered a trail in the dark. And I thought you said that we would be back at the car hours ago!”
Sarah moved to stand between us. “Maybe it’s just taking longer to get to the car than we expected,” she said in a soothing voice. “Why don’t we stop for one more night, and then take off early tomorrow morning. We can still be home before we’re needed anywhere important.”
“How can we be sure that this trail is leading us in the right direction?” I was practically shouting and my voice was shaking as badly as my hands were.
“It is.” Mike’s voice was firm.
“Then why aren’t we to the car yet?” I was definitely shouting now. I could imagine my face, it turned red and splotchy when I got angry. It’s why I normally fought so hard to keep my emotions in check. But I did not give a damn any more.
“Maybe if one of us weren’t completely out of shape, we would have been able to make better time.”
I started to walk towards him, unsure of exactly what I would do to him, but Sarah put a hand on my shoulder.
“The trail is going in the right direction.” Her voice sounded like she was speaking to a wounded animal. “Why don’t we just stop for the night?” she suggested again.
“It’s not like I’ll be able to find anything once the sun goes down,” I spat. “This trail doesn’t even exist in places!”
“Fine. I guess we’ll set up camp.” Mike’s response was aimed solely at Sarah, as if I didn’t exist.
“Don’t you ignore me. It’s your fault that we’re in this mess! I’ve had it with you treating me like this!”
Sarah moved her arm from my shoulder and put it around my waist, turning me away from Mike. “What are you talking about?” she asked me in a low voice. “Mike has been nothing but kind to you.” Mike started to come over but she told him to please set up camp, before turning back to me. “Why don’t we get you some food? This is probably just low blood sugar or something. And we brought enough food for two extra days, just in case. It’s fine to dip into emergency rations.”
The rest of the camp was set up in uncomfortable silence. Mike put together the tent while Sarah and I prepared the food. Dehydrated pasta with alfredo that the boiled water from the stream did not fully return to an enjoyable consistency. Still, everything tasted great after hiking all day.
I was quiet and moody as we ate. Mike continued to look angry and Sarah had unshed tears in her eyes off and on. The silence continued as we all got into bed. I’m sure that if I hadn’t been so exhausted, I never would have been able to fall asleep in those conditions.
I woke up what could only have been a few hours later. I was incredibly groggy and wasn’t sure why I wasn’t asleep. The scratches? No, there was a pressure on my arm. Sarah was holding on to me. Tonight was much lighter than last night had been and I slowly turned my head towards her. The tears that had been welling in her eyes during dinner were flowing freely down her face now. Her features seemed urgent, as if there were something she wished to tell me.
I opened my mouth and she dug her nails into my skin. She didn’t want me to talk. But it had been three nights of this nonsense and I was tired of being quiet.
“What’s wrong?” I whispered. She froze and her eyes grew wide. She shook her head slowly and carefully. “You need to tell me,” I said louder.
Mike’s gentle snores stopped and Sarah pulled her hands back into their shared sleeping bag. He opened his eyes and turned towards us. Sarah tried to feign sleeping again, but I was awake and I looked Mike in the eyes.
“You’re awake,” he said.
“You’re stating the obvious,” I retorted.
“Sarah, you shouldn’t let her disrespect me.” He kept eye contact with me while he said it. I was so startled by the words that I couldn’t even think of a response. Mike had been nothing but disrespectful this entire trip and had gotten us lost, but I wasn’t allowed to say anything to him in response? And what was Sarah going to do about anything?
“He’s right,” she whispered. “You should be nicer to him. To both of us.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “I’m going back to sleep,” I said before turning away from them.
“No,” said Mike. “It’s time to go.”
I ignored him, hoping that this ridiculousness would end. When we got home, I would need to have a serious discussion with Sarah about leaving this man. He was obviously a bad influence on her. But I was not in the right headspace to have any conversations with either of them right now, and it seemed counterproductive to start screaming at the two of them when we were still stuck out here together.
There was a shifting as it sounded like Mike and Sarah were both getting up. They were whispering quietly to each other as they rolled up their sleeping bag. That was fine, they could get up, but I was staying in bed. What was the point of waking up if we weren’t going anywhere? It was still dangerous to hike at night and I wasn’t willing to risk a broken ankle because they didn’t want to wait a couple of hours until sunrise.
“I said get up,” Mike said to me.
“I’m still tired, we should sleep more,” was my reply.
There was a sharp pain as my hair was pulled. The force of it dragged my head up and around to face Mike. What the actual fuck? Both of his hands were free, what was he using to hold my hair? I felt above my head and it was Sarah’s hand that had the fistful of my hair. She slapped my hand away.
“Don’t make me repeat myself,” said Mike.
My hair was released and I massaged my scalp gently. Sarah had not been gentle. Why had she done this? I turned to her and was about to ask what the hell was going on, but she interrupted me. “You need to get up and we need to go.” Her voice was firm and all trace of her former tears were gone.
I was shocked. Sarah had been my best friend since we were children. She was someone that I trusted completely; why would she do that? I tried to ask, but a lump had formed in my throat that prevented me from speaking. I sat up. The tent was blurry. I realized it was because of tears and I couldn’t help a quiet sob escaping.
“Shut up,” came Mark’s voice. I shut up. I couldn’t completely control the crying, but I was quiet as I worked through the lump in my throat and the tears in my eyes. I rolled up my sleeping bag and left the tent so we could start breaking it down. At least we would be home soon.
It was slow going in the dark. Even with the flashlights that Mike and Sarah held, it was difficult to see. We were in the same formation, with Mike in front of me and Sarah behind, but we were much closer now. I didn’t question that, I needed to be close to the two of them to be able to see anything. I felt ridiculous for losing the flashlight that I had brought.
Although it was difficult to see, I could tell that we were still ascending. It wasn’t a gentle slope anymore, either. There were a few times I was almost glad to not have to carry a flashlight because I needed my hands to balance. If the trail were any steeper, I would need them to help me climb. I was almost grateful that the sun was down, because the amount of physical exertion that climbing required was making me sweat. I couldn’t imagine having to do this in the heat of midday. And I was out of drinking water, so even in the cool of night I was thirsty.
I had asked to stop for water shortly after we had left. Normally we took a break in the morning to eat and sanitize some water for drinking, but after packing up the tent we just started marching. Sarah had ignored my request for water and when I tried asking again, this time with a plea in my voice, Mike had told me to shut up. I had, once again, shut up.
My emotions were all over the place. I knew that it wasn’t helped by my exhaustion. But I couldn’t figure out why they were doing this. I kept thinking back to how scared Sarah had looked, and her scratching letters into my arm. RUN. I should have ran. Why did she want me to run before, but now was guarding me and forcing me to keep walking? Unless she didn’t actually want me to keep walking? Maybe Mike was forcing her to do this. If that were the case, I should be running. It only took a few moments to come up with a plan.
I waited until there was a stretch of trail that was relatively flat. Then I stopped, and Sarah did run into me this time. She held on to me to steady herself and keep from falling, and in her confusion, I took the flashlight in my hand. I pushed her arms off of me and dropped my pack, but when I did it caught on the flashlight. It was only now that I remembered that Sarah had a rope that tied it to her wrist. I had to drop the flashlight, and then I went to pick it back up. I would never make it in the dark, especially when I had to outrun someone who could see.
Mike had of course noticed the scuffle, and he was on top of us before I could get the flashlight free from Sarah’s wrist. He turned me around and punched me hard in the stomach. I doubled up in pain, unable to move. I had never been hit like this before and I had no idea up until that point just how badly it hurt. I couldn’t breathe in and it felt like my insides were on fire. Tears had instantly sprung to my eyes, but I was in too much pain to cry out.
“Thank you.” I heard through my haze of pain. It was Sarah’s voice. Why was she thanking me? I looked up at her, and realized she was thanking Mike. She was thanking him for hitting me. That hurt as much as the punch had. Well, almost.
“Quick, let’s tie her up now.” Sarah’s voice again. She was talking about me as if I wasn’t right there.
“She won’t be able to climb to the outcrop if she’s tied now, and even I won’t be able to carry her up that far.”
“Not the ceremonial ties, let’s just tie her hands and feet to us. I’ll drop my pack and take hers, we can pick mine back up when we head back.”
“It’s your ritual,” Mike replied before reaching into his pack.
I couldn’t make sense of any of it. I couldn’t make sense of anything, I was in so much pain. All I wanted to do was stand up, but even that felt impossible. I wanted to scream, but what would I say? Mike would just hit me again. I wanted to run, but where could I go? They were both stronger and faster than I was and I still didn’t have a fucking flashlight. Mike was coming towards me with some nylon rope. It must have been adrenaline, because I did not hurt anymore. I tried to stand to get away from him, but Sarah held me down.
I struggled, I really did. But I was no match for the two of them and Mike was able to get the ropes around my wrists. They were tight and Sarah threatened to tie them tighter if I struggled harder. Mike told her that if they were any tighter that I would lose circulation and it would cause bruising, and she relented slightly. That was when I tried to scream. Sarah stepped on the rope that was around my wrists, stretching them out in front of me. My face was close to the ground, and she pushed it into the dirt while Mike rummaged in his bag again. He came back with a bandana that he used to gag me before starting to tie up my feet. At least my legs were a little bit more difficult for him. I got one good kick to his chest, which was followed by another blow to my stomach, but it was worth it. I wanted to comment about the type of man that would hit a woman while she was tied up and held down, but couldn’t work around the gag.
They stood me up. The rope was tied around each ankle individually with about 18 inches of rope connecting my feet together. It meant that I could walk, but if I tried to widen a step at all my foot was jerked back. Running would be impossible. Mike held on to the rope connected to my wrists, while Sarah took the one connected to my feet. I would not be going anywhere.
There was still rope around my hands and more had been added around my neck. I shook whenever I thought about how I had been held down to have my neck tied. The only plus was that the rope around my ankles had been removed after my neck was tied. I needed my legs free in order to climb.
I had taken a rock climbing class that our gym offered with Sarah. I remember her begging me to take it with her because she was so afraid to go alone. She had told me that she wasn’t sure how she’d be able to handle the heights and she was worried about the possibility of some pervert watching her butt while she climbed. I went with her so that I could be the one watching her butt while she climbed. But being in the class meant that I climbed too. Every Saturday for the past 6 months, I had climbed with Sarah. Had she known that long ago that she would do this to me? Is that why she insisted that I take the class with her? Or was it just a happy coincidence that I knew how to climb when it came to this particular scenario? The betrayal rose in my throat and threatened tears again, but fear granted me strength to hold them back.
It wasn’t a completely vertical climb. There were areas where I could stand up and rest. But there were also places that I had to use my hands and feet to drag myself up. It was still dark, and I had to feel more than see where I was going most of the time. The combination of lack of sleep, fear, hunger, and thirst made me shaky. It meant that I slipped a number of times. Still, Mike and Sarah would not let me rest. They insisted that I keep going, and there was a tug on the rope around my neck if I did not continue.
At some point after having the rope put around my neck, I just started asking why. Mike had told me to shut up, but at this point I was worried I was going to die anyway. I couldn’t tell how rational that fear was. Sarah would never kill me. Mike had not seemed like a murderer. But why were they doing this? I begged for an answer. But nothing came. For a second, I thought I saw tears in Sarah’s eyes. But that couldn’t be right. She was holding a rope and forcing me forward. I wondered how much of our friendship had been a lie. The first time I had thought about her befriending me only to betray me, I had vomited. They had to remove the gag. It was a mess. I was a mess. And Mike had been angry at the state of his bandana, as well as us having to pause while I retched. Eventually the nausea had abated. Now, I was just empty with the occasional dull twinge of pain when I thought about the obvious loss of our friendship. Maybe I was becoming used to the idea? Maybe I was dehydrated.
There was another steep area. I obediently climbed it, not wholly aware of my actions. There was a shelf at the top and Mike helped lift me over it. I thanked him because I probably would have fallen without the help and then I cursed myself for thanking him. But what was I supposed to do? Take the thank you back? He’d hit me again. I was in so much pain that at this point, I almost just wanted them to kill me and get it over with. I kept walking forward, but was stopped by the ropes around my hands and neck. Mike was not in front of me, he had stopped as well.
I did not think that my body could produce any more adrenaline. I don’t know where the energy came from, but I snapped out of the state I had been in and looked around. The rock was dark and there was white chalk on it. The chalk depicted strange symbols and what looked like runes, but I had never seen anything quite like them before.
“It’s almost dawn,” Sarah said, rummaging around in her bag.
“We made good timing then,” Mike replied. “And one day early, that’s amazing.”
“Yeah, it’ll be nice to go home,” Sarah said.
“We’re going home?” I croaked. My voice sounded so harsh from the lack of water. Mike and Sarah had their own, and some food, but had refused to share anything.
“Well, we are.” It was the first thing Mike had said to me that wasn’t a barked command in hours. I wished he wouldn’t have.
Sarah was bending over some of the chalk with a lighter. There was a black candle that I hadn’t noticed before that she lit. She then walked around to light more of them. This was starting to look like some sort of Satanic ritual. Chalk drawings in a circle… black candles… all it lacked was a human sacrifice. No. A harsh laugh escaped. Me, a human sacrifice?
Uncontrollable laughter sprung up, growing more and more manic until it was just screaming. It was a sound that I had never heard before, and I don’t think could be reproduced. There was fear in it, fear in me. I was nothing but blind panic and giggling and screaming. I only noticed that I was being held on the ground and my gag was being put back on because the screaming abated. I was still screaming, but there wasn’t as much sound. I couldn’t breathe as well around the putrid gag, and there was a problem with my nose. I couldn’t breathe through it, but that might have been for the best—I couldn’t imagine the smell would have been pleasant.
“Is she ok?” Sarah asked.
“I think I broke her nose when I took her down,” answered Mike. “She’ll be fine.”
“The candles are lit,” was all Sarah said in reply. “Can you check to make sure I’ve done this all correctly?”
Mike went over to look at all of the writing and the candles, and Sarah came over to me. I tried to talk to her, to say anything, but my voice was hoarse from the lack of water and the screaming and my gag muffled any sound that I could choke out.
She took out some long, black cords with gold ties around the ends. “I feel like I owe you an explanation,” she said as she started replacing the binds around my wrists with the black cord. “I never actually wanted to kill you.” I jerked at that. So it was true. She was going to kill me. I had to go, I had to run, I had to leave. “No, no, hold still. You’re too weak to go anywhere, you’ll just hurt yourself. I joined a religion. It’s a true religion, not like Christianity or Islam or even Buddhism. It’s an old religion. And following it could save humanity.” The look on her face was so sincere. This was the Sarah I knew. She felt so strongly about things, she always gave all of herself to helping others. And once her mind was made up, nothing could change it.
“Our Lady teaches that there is no life without death and there is no happiness without sacrifice. Mike showed me the way. People are too attached to things and to people. We keep producing things, we keep producing people, and the world is dying. I love you; I’ve always loved you. When I first heard of the idea of letting go of attachments, it was hard. But after I let go of my baby blanket, do you remember the one?” she waited until I nodded to continue, “After I let go of that, it was so much easier to live a life with fewer things. I let go of my attachments. I’m sure you noticed my more minimalist decoration.” She was still tying the rope around me, completely covering my arms in black cords.
“You are the person I’m most attached to. You’ve always been the one that I’ve loved the most. But that’s part of the problem with this world. People love too much and so they can’t let go. They can’t understand that overpopulation is hurting the world, because they love. They create more life and they love more. We need to stop the cycle. Our Lady demands a sacrifice to prove that we are more devoted to Her, that we are more devoted to our Earth, than to anything else. You were the only person that I felt like I couldn’t let go of. I’m still not even sure how I will be able to sacrifice you.”
I started struggling again. Sarah was insane. She had gone completely crazy. What the fuck kinda religion required you to kill your best friend? I had completely lost my voice, but that didn’t stop me from silently screaming around the gag.
Mike saw me fighting Sarah with everything that I had, and he came over and held me down while she bound my arms to my chest. She just kept wrapping the cord around my chest, like a cacoon, completely covering me and working her way down to my stomach. She had to replace the cords when she ran out, and when I looked down all I saw was black with a little bit of gold sticking out here and there from where she was tying the ends in.
It was the beginning of dawn, in that twilight time, when the cord had been bound all the way down my thighs to the tops of my knees. Sarah had worked quickly and efficiently and hadn’t bothered to tell me anything else about how I was going to die. I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or not by her silence. I wished there was something I could do, or something I could say to change her mind about this.
“There,” she said, looking pleased with her work. “I’ve finished and you’re ready.” Sarah looked back up to my tear and blood soaked face. “Wait, no you’re not,” she mumbled.
She took the gag out of my mouth and I breathed in deeply. I had struggled with that in my mouth. Then Sarah went over to her bag, and came back with a face cleaning cloth. “I want to make sure you look ok. I do still care for you,” she said. I just cried in response. My body shook with silent sobs and tears ran down my face. Sarah looked concerned for a moment.
“It’s time,” said Mike. “Our Lady likes things done right at sunrise.”
“She’s not quite ready yet!” said Sarah, before she bent down and whispered one last time, “Now’s your last chance to run, if you were going to. I don’t want you to stay and make me do this to you. I love you.”
Sarah helped me to stand up. I felt like I was a human burrito and the thought of sacrificing a burrito at dawn almost made me laugh again. I was in that weird place where I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to be thinking or feeling and bubbles of emotion came and went with no rhyme or reason.
“The rope around your knees isn’t tied,” Sarah whispered. “Please, you can run, and nobody will be at fault.”
“Saying goodbye?” Mike asked. “I remember wanting more time with my dad before my ceremony. But trust me, if you don’t do it now you won’t at all. And you know the consequences of not going through with the ritual.”
“Yes, I have the poison with me. I know that it’s me or her.” That look of fear crossed Sarah’s face one more time. “But I am ready to serve Our Lady.”
Mike took out a long, sharp looking knife. It had jewels encrusted in the hilt and the edge of it curved slightly. Very ceremonial, it fit with the theme of the place. I felt another surge of laughter bubble up, but I pushed it back down.
Mike started a story, very obviously told from rote, about a beautiful goddess who came down to show the Ancient People the way. The people apparently rejected the way and created their own religions and that’s why life is the way it is now. The beautiful goddess just wanted what was best for people and the earth and so she showed them about this ritual. Sarah came up in a way that looked extremely rehearsed and took the knife. She started chanting, but her quiet voice had a quiver to it that Mike’s hadn’t. Sarah kept glancing at me while she spoke. A single tear escaped her eye. Between verses, she looked at me and mouthed the word “run.”
I started moving my knees a little bit at a time while she continued on about letting go of material possessions. The rope wasn’t tied, and it started loosening. Mike was lost in Sarah at this point. He had a look of love and adoration on his face, and I wasn’t sure if it was for her or for this goddess and the ritual that were so important to him. Religious fanatics.
My knees were free enough; I decided to make a dash for it. Or, the closest thing to a dash that a human burrito could make.
I crept close to the edge of the rock outcrop without Mike noticing. I went towards the opposite edge of the one we had climbed up, hoping that it would be less steep. Sarah may have noticed, but she was keeping eye contact with Mike. That was probably the only thing that let me get as far as I did. He turned to look right as I started to run to the edge. There was no time to undo any more rope, or to try to climb down in this state. I didn’t even know what was on the other side of the outcrop, but I was definitely going to die if I stayed. No longer fighting the laughter that had been bubbling inside of me, I jumped. And then I quickly realized that going off of this side was not a great idea as I free-falled off of a cliff.
Do you know how helpful hands are in breaking your fall? Because I found out. My nose started bleeding again, profusely, and I think I chipped a tooth. And then I just started rolling. I was lucky that the cliff had only been a small one, followed by a steep hill. Double lucky that there were limited trees and that I did not hit any as I rolled. I finally stopped rolling and began untying my rope. I looked up and Mike was climbing down the cliff, with Sarah trailing behind him. I had come a long way in a short amount of time—rolling was an efficient means of travel! But I doubted Mike would follow suit, so it would definitely take him a while to reach me. And I wasn’t sure that Sarah wanted to reach me at all.
I finished loosening the ropes around me and slithered out of them, like a snake shedding its skin, before taking off. Even with how weak the sunlight was, I could still make out where I was going so much better than the night before. I was able to run, or at least move quickly on my shaky legs. I kept going down, the direction I had wanted to go this entire time. Down meant away from the mountain, which meant toward civilization.
The grassy hill flattened out and trees started appearing. I checked back and Mike and Sarah were zigzagging their way down the steeper parts of the hill. They were probably more afraid of losing teeth than I had been, but their lives were not on the line. It was amazing the things I was able to do when I already considered myself dead.
I heard water ahead and made a beeline for it. I knew that there was a mountain stream that ran through town. I was completely lost, but maybe following the stream down the mountain would lead me to somebody, anybody, who could help. It was the closest thing to a plan I could come up with.
I was surprised by how large the stream was when I finally arrived at it. I knew that unfiltered water was not safe to drink, but I did not care. I bent down to my hands and knees and drank deeply from the cool, mountain water. It was delicious after so many hours of hiking without a drop. After a few moments, I remembered why I had to keep going and stood up to continue.
Progress was slower along the water due to the rocks and slippery moss, but I pressed on. I was going in the direction of the current, so I would get to the bottom of the mountain eventually. Every sound that came out of the forest around me made me stop and turn around. I was still so afraid of seeing Mike or Sarah following me. They were both in much better shape, and Mike was so much stronger than I was. If they caught up to me, it would mean my death. Even if they didn’t perform any ritual, they couldn’t let me live and tell people that they had planned on murdering me. I had not escaped death, yet.
I heard a voice. It was still fairly far away, but it was deep and sounded like Mike’s. They were still following, and they were no doubt catching up. The advantage of being in shape and having eaten recently probably outweighed any advantage the fear for my life gave me. My body was running on empty.
I heard Sarah’s voice behind me and turned around, but ended up on the ground. The rock that I was pivoting on was slick with moss and I had fallen when I put my weight on my right foot to turn. I went to stand back up and my ankle screamed in pain. I moved my socks and saw that my ankle was already red and starting to swell. I must have sprained it. But I wasn’t ready to give up.
“…must be going… get her…” They were moving close enough that I could make out bits and pieces of what they were saying to each other. Mike and Sarah had no reason to be quiet as they chased after me, so I knew they probably weren’t as close as I feared, but it was still too close for comfort. I carefully slid myself into the water, knowing that the cold would be good for my ankle, and then I got an idea. I couldn’t walk, but I could float.
I maneuvered myself into the middle of the stream, conscious of the amount of time that this was taking. I found that if I turned around and was facing behind me, I could use my hands to steer and my good leg to push myself up and the current would drag me along. The water was moving quickly and I could hear the rush of it, but there weren’t too many rocks to disrupt my floating. Mike and Sarah’s voices were much dimmer now, although that might have been because all I could hear was the water when I was in the stream.
Mountain streams are not known for their warmth and within five minutes my fingers were numb. I was soaked through and shaking. At least I was still moving, and floating was far faster than running along the rocky and slippery ground. Actually, being on the river was somewhat relaxing. And I was facing backwards, so I could see behind me to ensure that Mike and Sarah were not too close. As long as I couldn’t see them, they couldn’t see me.
The stream had gotten deeper and the water had started to move even faster, which suited me just fine. But with the faster movement came a greater crashing sound. I could no longer hear anything from Mike and Sarah. I kept scanning the forest for any trace of them, knowing that I’d have to rely on my eyes and not my ears. Eventually, I’d get to a town and then there would be nothing they could do without attracting too much attention. That is, if I could stay awake that long. Even with the roaring in my ears, I was starting to feel sleepy. The adrenaline was tapering off again now that I was feeling relatively safe and the river had numbed away my pain.
I caught myself nodding off and jerked awake. This was not the place to take a nap! The water was running even faster and the crashing had become all that I could hear. I might have been approaching some white water. I turned around to look in front of me and saw the water drop off in the distance. Shit.
I started swimming against the current, trying to see if I could make my way back to the edge of the river. I could only swim strongly enough to break even, I wasn’t making any progress going forward. My limbs felt heavy after being in the numbing water for so long, but I pushed through the best that I could. I kept kicking and feeling returned to my ankle enough that I felt pain again. The current was starting to win; I was falling behind. I put my feet down to try to kick off of the bottom of the river bed, but it was too deep. I flipped around and started swimming against the current again, trying to make it to shore without slipping towards the falls. I swam until my lungs ached with each breath that I took.
I looked towards the shore again, at my goal, and I saw Sarah. She was a ways off, but she was making her way along the rocky shore of the stream. She looked up and even from a distance, with me fighting against the current, I knew that she saw me. I could not swim to shore or she’d have me again. I sank beneath the water as my legs stopped kicking for a moment. But I couldn’t give up. I wouldn’t let her kill me. I swam up and gasped for air before turning to the other bank of the river. Even if she got in the water right now, it would take her a while to cross. I still had a chance.
Ignoring the protest in my lungs, my arms, and my legs, I started swimming as quickly as I could away from Sarah. My brief pause had brought me closer to the edge of the falls, so I was now fighting even harder against the current. But I kept my eyes on the goal and pressed forward, calling up strength I shouldn’t have been able to possess. And then Mike came into view. He was dripping wet still from when he must have crossed the river.
I turned back and saw Sarah wading towards me. Our eyes locked and I saw fear and desperation clearly on her face, but I also saw fierce determination. She was not going to let me go. Mike was still standing on the opposite shore, his arms folded. Just waiting. Waiting to kill me.
No. I would not give him the satisfaction. I thought back to my years of friendship with Sarah and how close we had grown, especially during the last few years of living on our own. Outside of my family, she was the person who I loved the most and had loved the longest. How could she betray me like this? For some man and his religion. No, I thought again, I wouldn’t give either of them the satisfaction of killing me. Sarah would have to find some other victim.
I looked back up to make sure that Sarah could see me. She had stopped walking and was simply looking at me, waiting for my next move. I looked right back at her as I purposefully stopped swimming. I saw her scream and lunge toward me as the current dragged me down. The last thought I had before the water took me was, “I will be the master of my own fate.”
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